Sunday, February 12, 2012

Ah Shit. I think I'm a Cougar! or dating after 40 in Arizona when you're not an evangelical conservative teaparty person

The story so far: or about me in case you didn't know:

First please forgive alternate style punctuation. I know it can bother folks. It sometimes bothers me but I'm a post post post modern poet/writer/artist/unclassified etc and undiagnosed possible high functioning autistic or see other description so it happens.

Oh wait, that's a tangent. Those also will happen with me from time to time.

Back to the now not beginning. I'm 44. I'm single. I'm divorced. I look like I'm between age 28 and 34. Really. This is good. When I was 24, I looked like I was maybe 14 to 16 that was not good. Any guy worth dating thought I was jail bait so wouldn't talk to me or just treated me like their little sister. The guys who did apporach me were perverts and I wasn't attracted to them. Is this relevant to dating now? I have no idea. But it has taken me until now to even attempt to learn how to date in a more proactive fashion and to even approach how men might might think. Will I write about this here? I don't know.

Ok again. I'm a single woman in her early forties. In the non cyber world I tend to attract guys in their late 20s to early 30s. In the cyber dating world I tend to attract guys a bit older than me. In real life I tend to be attracted to guys in their late 20s to mid 40s but sometimes older if they have a more alternative and open attitude to life.

Also a bit of background info is I am sometime in love with off and on a friend who I don't know their real feelings for me. If there are errors in thsi sentence it is because I can't even approach this. And no comments about telling them because he and are friends and I don't want to ruin that and more importantly this guy is attached legally and emotionally to somebody else and I won't even touch that, neither would he. End of that. Do these feelings impact my quest for a real life longterm relationship? I don't know. Maybe. But since I've had crushes on more than one guy before, it shouldn't be a factor. My own fear of being vulnerable though is definitely an issue.

Anyway this blog is about my dating experiences as a single woman in her early forties. It's kind of mixed and I'm currently going through a dry spell, no clich or pun intended although it is a clish isn't it? I was dating somebody over the summer but it went from friend zone to potential romance to all out sort of fun sex but I didn't want to be a booty call so I ended it and then found out he gave me HPV so I had to have a very painful procedure experience.

So where does that leave me? I am currently on two online dating sites: OK Cupid which is free and Chemistry.com which is not (well not if you want to be able to do more than view profiles). I used to live in L.A. and now live in Peoria, AZ which is about 1 hour away from Phoenix and Scottsdale. I just got a bad haircut at the Toni & Guy Salon in Glendale that removed all my perceived sex appeal and left my high forehead looking even higher. So obviously I am feeling even more dorky and self conscious than normal. The hair guy even told me "you're a free spirit. That must be hard here. There aren't many in the Phoenix area." Then he proceeded to make my hair into some approximation of suburban boring soccer mom blah. And so now I enter the dating pool in earnest for the sake of blogdom and my own heart. All of it for your entertainment and hopefully our mutual eduaction. I will write every week at least and keep whoever reads this updated. I will never reveal names. So those I date will be anonomous and other misspelled words. I hope you enjoy it.

4 comments:

  1. If you are a cougar then I am a half-blind mangy dog with three legs.

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  2. Don't let that mangy dog steal your thunder. ;)

    -Jen

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  3. lol what mangy dog? Or which 1? I'm not currently involved with anybody nor dating anybody. I've been on a few 1st blind dates over the last few months but none by my choice has turned into a 2nd date. I sometimes have a crush on a friend of mine but he's a good guy and never has led me on or tried to imply he feels anything romantic for me. He's got a girl and I would never try to steal another woman's man. And the crush is only sometimes because at other times he says something because I am just a mate and I think "yep. even if he was available, I don't think it would work between us," and the crush illusion bubble goes pop. I just get introspective sometimes. Plus the high functioning autism spectrum aspect of me is a challenge. I can intellectually understand relationships and emotions so that fools people who read my writing or hear me talk about that stuff. It also allows me to interpret social situations for the kids I work with who are on the spectrum but when I am in a relationship or experiencing any kind of intense emotions both positive and negative, I don't process them in a neural typical way.

    But anyway no fear on the thunder :) I don't waste my time on guys who aren't interested in me. Why would I? I'm way too cool for that.

    Thanks for commenting, Jen!

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