Valentine's Day...It was last week I know. I didn't forget. But how do I feel about it? In general, I'm not opposed to it but lately I'm not it's biggest fan and truthfully, I'm happy it's over. Although as much as I was dreading it this year and in a sort of "why am I still single after being divorced for 5 years" mood, I did celebrate it my way and perhaps as I would hope to celebrate it sometimes if I were in a couple. I enjoyed myself in a quiet screaming sort of fashion and I suppose if I were in a relationship it would have been more of a screaming orgasmic fashion. Wait, no I didn't silently pleasure myself. Forget I mentioned orgasms. Not going there today. Anyway...
"Huh? Quiet screaming? But I thought she said she enjoyed Valentine's Day this year afterall." What I mean is, I celebrated by eating chocolate my student gave me while watching a double feature of the uber romantic 80's classics, "My Bloody Valentine," and "Evil Dead 2." And again there was no hanky panky, self or otherwise.
Because I couldn't stop stupidly pining for the friend I now won't admit to pining for anymore and I was, like I say, questioning my single status and lamenting my non-parent being status (this is another blog entry and I will address this but not now), I thought I would be depressed this year. Also I've been internet dating off and on with not much, ok zero, success over the last several months since breaking up with the guy I was seeing this summer who I met online. So I was in one of those negative places where as a woman and as someone who works in special ed, a girl starts to feel that all men are no different than children with special needs and dating, even relationships with men are just way too much like my job, only trickier because well, you try putting a grown man in time out or telling him to use his nice words, unless it's some kind of sex game. (hmmmm maybe I could fool one into thinking it's a kinky sex game when it isn't. I'll get back to you on this...) If I'm honest, I'm still a bit in this space so please boys don't throw rocks at me or call me a man-hater. I'm not. I'm just going through a phase and hopefully writing this blog will help me find the fun in meeting new friends of the usually taller and hairier persuasion.
Hopefully next year, I'll have a better attitude towards this holiday and even if I'm still single, I will be fine being alone. I usually am but sometimes I'm not. But I will still most likely watch a scary movie or two. Any suggestions?